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7.03.2015


Get a Job: Clark Kent as Reporter
NICK MAZMANIAN


Part 1 in a series where Nick Mazmanian examines the occupations of fictional characters and whether or not they’ve excelled at their chosen fields.


Name: Clark Kent
Occupation: Reporter

There are so many versions of this character that I am going to choose the comic book version rather than the film and TV versions.

Clark Kent is a reporter for The Daily Planet. He comes from Smallville and is clumsy; oh, and he wears glasses. How did this guy secure a position at one of the biggest newspapers in the country? Well, he started off at an entry-level position and quickly rose through the ranks because of his ability to scoop the other reporters.

Oh, and he has all the exclusives with Superman. All of them.

Cornering the market with one of the biggest names in the superhero world is quite the feather in his cap, but does it make him a good reporter? Let’s look at the characteristics that a reporter should have in order to be a success:

1. PERSISTENCE

As a reporter you must, (not try,) must be persistent. You have to chase down leads, make people talk to you, and get what you need in order to get the story out.

Clark doesn’t do any of this, ever, really. He is a pushover, overly polite, and is constantly cut off by other people, and his actual interviews are cut short. The only reason he ever gets a story is because he is Superman, so he is the story, and it’s easy to write what you know, right?

2. SPEED

You have to act fast in this business, which means you have to get the facts as quickly as possible and get the story out. Of course, integrity was something that still existed in the 1950s when it came to the news, but still, being the first one out the gate is important.

Clark did have a knack for getting to crime scenes before anyone else or to the scene of an incident before anyone else, but the reason why is because he is Superman!

3. WRITE STORIES THAT ARE WORTH READING

Even though that rule today would boil down to a series of pictures with giant text on them, it still holds true. The stories that are worth reading are the ones that are the hardest to find, so you have to do some sleuthing every once in a while.

Clark usually gets lost or captured when sleuthing anywhere because he has to turn into Superman and save the day. This does create a story worth reading, but again, for the umpteenth time, it’s because he is Superman.

Should he keep his job?

I say no, but because he gets the exclusives with Superman, the editor-in-chief is going to say yes. Clark Kent is only a good reporter because he cheats, while Lois Lane is constantly having to bust her ass to get a story in a male-dominated industry. I’d say that Clark Kent’s superpower is white privilege, but that statement is A.) lazy and B.) bullshit, because he’s Superman. Clark creates the story in order to write about it, and if this were real life, that would be really creepy.

Replacement job:

Well, since the point of Clark Kent for Superman is to be his secret identity, then the logical conclusion is for Clark to become a telemarketer. Why? Because I’ve never met a telemarketer in my life, so it must be a really secretive position, which is perfect for a secret identity.




Nick Mazmanian is the author of Where Monsters Lie & Other Tales, and when he isn’t banging away at the keyboard writing stories or emptying his thoughts onto his website, Ironcladwords.com, he can be found working on a multitude of projects that range from video games to podcasts about Batman to YouTube shorts to adventuring into the wide world with his wife and dog. You can also find him on Twitter and Tumblr.


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